Authentic Conversations with Andy Mason
027 How Should I Give You Feedback?

027 How Should I Give You Feedback?

February 11, 2020

In this episode I talk through a personal challenge of mine around giving feedback. Ive realized I have over-reacted to error and am perpetuating my own leadership errors. I need to change! In reading Necessary Endings by Dr Henry Cloud I am learning some really good insight.

First, if you are avoiding giving feedback, have a look in the mirror and find out what is behind that. If you (I) have avoided giving candid feedback how you are experiencing someone there is no way they can be held responsible for their behavior. Start by speaking candidly... "Are you aware that this is how we are experiencing you....?" "Can I please have 10 minutes to give you some feedback about how I am experiencing you..."

Secondly if you are enabling the problem by not speaking up, OR by running around and cleaning up the effects, more than they are taking responsibility, YOU have the problem. They have no need to change. 

I have adopted a quote overheard from the 14 year old daughter of one of my team... "This is not my problem; I am not responsible for everyone."

So, now to Dr Cloud and HOW to give feedback (or NOT...):

There are three kinds of people on your team and around you (customers, friends, relatives...), in regard to how they respond to feedback and their intent.

1. Evil (I refer to this as TOXIC)

There is no point giving feedback. They won't respond, no matter how kind or direct or patient or convincing you are. They are bent on your demise. They want to undermine and sabotage your leadership and/or what you are wanting to grow. The ONLY way to deal with toxic people is to apply, in Dr Clouds words, "lawyers, guns and cash." This refers to doing anything in your power (FYI, guns is referring to the police, not your own means) to remove them, protect yourself and/or isolate the toxicity as fast as possible before it affects others around you.

Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return.
Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. Proverbs 9:7 (NLT)

2. Foolish

This may be well meaning people but after repeated attempts at giving feedback they are still not seeing and owning the problem. They have all the reasons why it was someone else's issue and they are not responsible. The problem is no longer the problem; the real problem is that they don't have a problem. Feedback is pointless. Now the ONLY thing you can do is use consequences. "Until this behavior ceases/changes you will be on modified duties..." "Forgive me for my lack of clarity... your job is to do.... If this is not done by..., we will need to involve HR."

So don’t bother correcting mockers;
they will only hate you.
But correct the wise,
and they will love you. Proverbs 9:8 (NLT)

3. Wise

These people are a delight and should be consistently promoted as they respond. Your feedback is received as a WELCOME list of areas for them to grow in. They love the input and ask for help to grow. The more you work with them the more they respond.

Instruct the wise,
and they will be even wiser.
Teach the righteous,
and they will learn even more. Proverbs 9:9 (NLT)

So, where do you need to grow?

Who do you have around you that is begging for your feedback and ready to grow like crazy?

Where do you need to pick up the phone and call HR/legal?

Where do you need to cut off toxic influence?

Remember, if you have never spoken up, then they will never have a first chance to respond. But after candidly speaking truth/feedback and NOT having a response you will need to change the game plan.

For me, I have wise advisors around me to help give perspective and coach me through decisions, especially when I get so involved I can't see clearly. I also have a counsellor to help me unpack and repair my own dysfunction where I have over-reacted to error by creating error (avoiding giving clear feedback.) Either way, welcome to leadership growth! 

This is going to be a great year!

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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026 The Best Way to Maximize Your Life

026 The Best Way to Maximize Your Life

February 4, 2020

In this episode I talk through the best way to maximize your life. It's by finding the right people. The right people will multiply you. The wrong people will sabotage the trajectory of your life. Here, I share about four people who maximized the trajectory of my life. Who were they? What was the conversation that changed me? What was the outcome of listening to their advice? I know that I would not be where I am today if it had not been for those conversations.... AND that I listened. At the end of the episode I unpack what to look for in a wise counsellor and give you pointers where to find them!

Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety. 

Proverbs 11:14 

1. Bill Pascoe - Farmer, friend of my father

Counseled me from investing two years in higher education to investing FOUR years in higher education, resulting in a 10x world of opportunities. I ended up winning a scholarship that resulted in working for the leading agricultural business consultancy company AND being mentored by the leading consultant in the country. 

2. Mike Connell - Pastor

Counseled me from over-reacting to poor leadership by avoiding leadership opportunities to making myself available and not letting those poor examples define me. The result was immediate promotion in my work.

3. Kris Vallotton - Leader, overseer

Counseled me from starting our online platform with a very lean model - limited to our cash-on-hand, to thinking and believing bigger, getting funding and employing someone immediately. The result was $90k of funding and a platform that became financially sustainable within 9 months of launch.

4. Tony Stoltzfus - Board member, coach, friend

Counseled me from blindly trusting God to provide, to confronting my fear of asking for help and asking God who I should talk with. Result was that I overcame the lies that I was using 'God' to hide behind, asking six different people for funding, growing deeper in relationship with ALL of them AND ending up with a fully funded proposal.

Without counsel, plans go awry,
But in the multitude of counselors they are established. 

Proverbs 15:22

Benefits of wise counsel:

- Before counsel I was only accessing my intelligence and thought. After counsel I accessed a collective intelligence = decades more wisdom and experience that multiplies what I could step into.

- Before counsel I was thinking small. After counsel my bubble of thinking was popped and replaced with something 100 times bigger. AND the belief I could DO THIS.

- Before counsel I was limited to my friends and circle of influence. After counsel I gained access to a much wider group of people that could add value, wisdom and resources.

- Before counsel my decision was being motivated by fear. After counsel my perspective was changed, my beliefs were adjusted and I started making healthy decisions.

- Before counsel, I was my own accountablity ie. there was none. After counsel I had someone asking me the painful questions I would naturally avoid on my own. The result = momentum.

- Before counsel I was thinking short term: me, my world, now. After counsel I was thinking about the bigger picture, how this would affect others and the eternal impacts.

Bottom line - YOU NEED WISE COUNSEL. 

For by wise counsel you will wage your own war,
And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 24:6

Where can you find wise counsel?

1. The Ancient book of wisdom... Proverbs. The Bible.

2. Books, courses, industry magazines - there are a LOT of free GOOD sources of wise counsel. I have an Audible subscription, listen to podcasts, watch youtube videos, pay for online courses...

3. Professionals (qualified and experienced counsellors, advisors, pastors, coaches, consultants...). I have relationship with a professional coach, marriage counsellor, pastor, mentor, advisory board.

4. Friends/community/service group. I meet with three friends every two weeks where we have built trust to speak into one another's lives. I have also met wise counselors by being on a board of directors with them. Others I have met by serving my community and ending up serving alongside them.

Your Action Step:

So what about you? Tag and send gratitude to the wise counsellors in your life. If you are wanting business growth AND fully engage your walk with God, check out our Heaven in Business Advisory Service and book a call with one of the team.

025 Am I Qualified For This?

025 Am I Qualified For This?

January 28, 2020

In this episode I take you to Lexington Kentucky where I was speaking with a local community group. All of us have dreams of what we want to be, to do, to have. Most of us never step into who we were born to be because of the excuses in our head. For me, the biggest excuse was "I'm not qualified." It messed with me for years. Listen for the story...

And here's the Pdf download from AndyandJanine.com.

Grab your copy of the Dream Culture book on Amazon.

Who you are is enough. 

Who you are is perfect.

And, when God is with you... who you are is irrelevant!

So what is one thing you will do to move forward? Share that with a friend. 

 

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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024 Beyond Meat, Beyond Marketing

024 Beyond Meat, Beyond Marketing

January 21, 2020

Have you tasted 'Beyond Meat?' I think it's an excellent marketing strategy but in truth is "Lesser" meat! What about 'Beyond Royalty' for Prince Harry? Isn't this like oat milk and almond milk.... IT'S NOT MILK; it's MARKETING! 

In this episode Tommy Deuschle and I are returning from a Heaven in Business workshop in Lexington, KY and we get to talking about what we learned, where we are headed and some things to look out for. If you have never heard of Tommy, you will want to check him out.

Recently Ive been going through a marketing exercise redefining who we are, who our ideal customer is and how we will reach them. You can listen more to the story behind that in episode 023 How to Recenter for Success.

If you haven't done this exercise for yourself recently I highly recommend it and also that you read or listen to Necessary Endings by Dr Henry Cloud

We talked about upcoming events with HeaveninBusiness.com/events.  If you have any questions post below or contact us at media@heaveninbusiness.com.

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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023 How to Recenter for Success

023 How to Recenter for Success

January 14, 2020

In this episode I take you behind the scenes what happened in my world this week as I got back to work. I was distracted by comparison and different expectations and had to reset and refocus on who my customer really is - NOT who others say my customer is. Who I am CALLED to serve. If my measure of success is a metric that God has not given me I will live my life toward "never-enough" and vanity. Thankfully it only took me three days to recenter (this time)! Here's my process...

Monday and Tuesday were not good days! I was all over the place mentally and emotionally as I went from vacation mode to production mode in 30 seconds! Problem was, I didn't FIRST get my aim or direction in place. I was like I just started the car and went from 0-60mph in 30seconds without first deciding what direction I was going. That is a recipe for a lot of activity with not much productivity!

Then I became very aware of some friends who are excelling in their performance - the numbers are incredible... and I now felt like I was failing as well as flailing!

Then Wednesday I woke and my wife had a word from God for me: "Reset." And I read that morning in Matthew 6 how just taught us to pray (TPT): "Let the glory of your name be the center on which our lives turn."

I realized I had got off center by feeling out of control in work and in comparison with others.

So what did I do to get back on track?

1. Recenter

Let the goodness of God be the center on which my life turns. 

Pause and connect with your creator. He designed you to be you, not a version or copy of someone else. 

If I am centered on anything other than God (church, a person, an organization...) I will find myself swinging all over the place. 

I know I am off center when I am swinging all over the place: anxious, pulled in different directions, having difficulty making decisions, running from task to task, no peace...

How do you recenter?

I took time to worship and express gratitude for last year and where we are at right now and the upcoming year. I thanked Him for who He made me to be. I thanked Him that all things are in His hand and my future is in His hand. He is leading and guiding me into fullness of joy and life. 

I spent time in scripture because that is where He speaks continually. AND it is a solid foundation on which I can rest. It is black and white, not some version of uncertain grey.

2. Reset

Now that you have re-centered, and only now, can you reset what your priorities are.

Start with a blank page or whiteboard or document. Rely on what is INSIDE you rather than what is outside wanting to pull you in some other direction. Live from an internal government and you won't need external rules to tell you what is right or wrong. Live from conviction, from conscience, from your spirit. 

I grabbed my team and a blank whiteboard and asked them who our customer is. Who are the people whose story is what we want repeated? Who has been a customer of ours and their life transformation or experience has best articulated what we exist to do?

We filled up the board surprisingly quick. What was immediately noticeable was that all the uncertain activity I had focused on at the start of the week (when I was off-center) involved NONE of this group of people. Hmmmm...

We then looked for themes or repeating attributes of those people. Who were they? How did they first engage with us? What were the outcomes of their engagement with us? What is the ongoing results? 

Then summarize what you identified. This is who you are called to.

3. Refocus

Take everything you are doing and bring it back into alignment with who/what you are called to. 

Rather than just running up facebook ads or running after certain targets, ASK yourself if that is moving you towards your target? 

This process we are still on but it is releasing peace, bringing clarity and feels WAY better!

May you do the same!

If this has been helpful for you, please post a comment or share or find out more about us at AndyandJanine.com.

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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022 Let’s Get Messy

022 Let’s Get Messy

January 7, 2020

In this episode I talk through the importance of mess and how our natural desire to avoid making it or stepping in it is hindering our growth.

Wouldn't life be easier if everything was simple, clean, decluttered and devoid of conflict?

Short answer, no. Life is messy. Mess is inevitable if you are going to experience life at all.

And avoiding mess will result in avoiding life.

But I don't like mess. I would rather start on a new project in a 'clean' area, than return to a half complete mess that needs cleaning up. I will procrastinate and avoid it... until the mess (or the people around me) demands attention.

Ive also got areas around my property, my relationships and my business that are messy. I want to avoid them. Some I created. Some were created for me. Some just happen to be that way. 

Mess is uncertainty, clutter, confusion, conflict... you can fill in the list.

I never feel my best in the middle of it.

Yet it seems like nothing happens without walking through it.

If you want tidy, systems, structure... don't be an entrepreneur.... or a parent!

I've had to unpack why I dislike it so much and realized there's a bunch of head trash that is holding me back.

  • Holiness is NOT the absence of mess. It is a gift from God in SPITE of mess.
  • Jesus didn't avoid mess. He landed right in the middle of it AND didn't clean it all up.
  • The greater the production, the greater the mess
  • Mess is not an excuse for productivity - finish what you started or clear the table
  • What do I need to say NO to? 
  • What do I need to follow through on?
  • What am I avoiding because of perceived mess?

The only clean stable is an empty stable. So if you want the work of an ox and to enjoy an abundant harvest, you'll have a mess or two to clean up! Proverbs 14:4 TPT

Quote read from page 97, Martin Luther - The Man Who Rediscovered God and Changed the World, by Eric Metaxas.

When navigating a mess, Ive learned a couple things to help me.

1. Do it with a friend/partner/colleague; don't do it alone.

2. Do it first; don't procrastinate.

3. Embrace it; don't avoid it. Mess is the pathway to something beautiful. 

 

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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021 How to Reset Your Family

021 How to Reset Your Family

December 31, 2019

Welcome to the conversation! In this episode, Janine and I share about the short family vacation we just returned from and why it was (IS) so necessary. We also unpack the challenges we had to overcome, the outcomes, how we made it work financially, and some of our favorite family vacation activities!

 
Why Vacation?
 
We just took our four teenagers to San Francisco for a four day weekend. Three girls and a boy. All of them are very different. They are aged 19, 17, 15 (the boy), and 13. 
 
Why vacation? Because vacation is a perfect opportunity to reset foundational connection.  Connection is the basis for all relationship. Vacation is about taking time together out of the ordinary. It is creating shared experiences and new memories.
 
I may prefer a stay-at-home vacation, but  I would end up working on the yard or house maintenance. Going away protects connection because it literally removes us all from our normal physical distractions. 
 
What were our outcomes?
 
We spent four days in San Francisco - a four-five hour drive from home. We chose to stay in an Air BnB about an hours drive from the city center. 
 
What came out of it? A ton of laughter and fun. Hours of face-time without screen time. A reset of our family connection that will be a baseline for deeper connection to happen. A reset of normal for our evening connection around games. A reminder for ourselves how much we enjoy one another.
 
What did we have to work around to build connection like this? 
  • Teenage schedules (work, babysitting, wrestling practice, tired at end of day...)
  • My workload getting a new book launched. Do I have the time to go away? Will this be relaxing and refreshing for me....?
  • One of our kids had a cold coming on just as we were leaving. She was going through a box of tissues in a couple days. We took the risk to go and grabbed some over the counter medication to help with our prayer. She came right in 24hrs. 
  • The rooster! We were in the middle of a city but were woken 2am, 4am and 6am each day by the neighbors bird. Not fun!
  • Stress of big city driving that brings out the worst in people and takes a bunch of unnecessary energy to manage!
  • First ever Failed Ice cream experience 
  • Different expectations of our highly independent family members of what to do on vacation. Janine had some intentional conversations with each of us about this up front. For me this was remembering that although the city wasn't an ideal vacation location for me personally, that if I could adjust my expectations, the payoff would be worth it. And it was. 
How did we make it work on a budget?
 
We have a history of learning to trust God in this regard. 
 
More recently I'm learning to trust Him more and treat the giving to my family like the giving I so easily do to a missionary or non-profit organization. What does God think about this investment in family vacation?
 
We reduced the cost by staying in an air bnb rather than a hotel and cooking for ourselves rather than eating out. We also made a packed lunch each morning to take with us. That way we could allocate more money towards activities.
 
And God... The second day away I got a call from a friend who wanted to do some end of year giving. Their support of our book project takes financial pressure off us going on vacation. 
 
Some of the fun activities...
 
Post your favorite activities or fun games in the comments. 

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020 How to Hear God for 2020

020 How to Hear God for 2020

December 24, 2019

Welcome to the conversation! In this episode I take you behind the curtain to learn how I hear God and process my part in working with what He is saying for 2020. 

Every Wednesday the Heaven in Business team meet for an hour and pray for all those in our influence. This looks like hearing from God what He is saying and then agreeing with Him and declaring that. It's not a big check list pleading God to do something. At the end of each session together we attempt to summarize what we have been praying via Facebook.com/HeaveninBusiness and this is emailed out to all our online community members. 

This week coming in for the meeting I had a picture in my head of how to lead the prayer. I was reminded of the story in Matthew 16 where Jesus has just fed a few thousand people with a couple of loaves of bread and some fish. They end up with more left over than they started with - cool business model! Then they jump into a boat and realize that they forgot to bring lunch. Jesus says something like "What's up with you guys?!! Didn't you just hear what happened? Didn't you see the results? At least remember!" In other words, forgetting lunch was not going to be a problem in light of just witnessing 5,000+ being fed from practically nothing.

The image I had was to lay out my whiteboard with in thirds with SEE / HEAR / REMEMBER. I then wrote under each section (with the team) what we were seeing happen, hearing happen and the key testimonies God was bringing to remembrance. We then looked for themes in all of this and turn those into practical strategies for 2020.

 Hearing_God_2020.jpg

Here's the key points: 

1. What am I hearing?

Multiplication is our word for 2020. What if we realize 10 years growth in one year? Are we ready? What do we need to do in order to be ready?

Providence of God. He is God; we are not. He does as He pleases. He is saying in this moment "Get out of the way." It's not whose side He is on; it is about us getting on HIS side. "Listen and follow."

"I want a move of God" heard from leader of a business network.

God doing things in a sudden moment. Turning of tables. Turning around of situations that have been going on for a long period.

Resulting alignment.

Phrase "Prepare Him room" from a message spoken by Steve Znachko. Push out the walls. Get ready! Click this link to go to youtube message recorded at Antioch church in Indianapolis.

2. What am I seeing?

Piece's and people are lining up - either in opposition or the dots are lining up to move forward.

Impossible situations = opportunity for faith to growth (conditional on right perspective)

Three testimonies of enemies becoming 'Friends' in order to move forward

- Mozambique Dec 2019 (Heidi Baker) with the statement "You only have authority where you have love." 

- Pharma Industry giving advice to competing company

- Trafficking ring leader with God saying He has an alternative future for him

https://youtu.be/ZAO8kiY6TLk

3. What do I remember?

 "Now it's my time" testimony of a couple wanting a baby. They tried everything and ended up losing a child one week after birth. When the doctor said "It's impossible. We have tried everything," man felt hot oil run down his neck and heard God say "Now its MY turn."

Provision. We had a couple extra bills in the last week that within 24hrs were taken care of through surprising source.

Two, two-year conflict situations had a turn-around. One was anniversary of it happening a couple years ago. Other was last week. In each situation there was hostile takeover behavior and the tables were turned. One situation ended up going from "how do we surive this lawsuit without being bankrupted?" to owning 100% of the company at the judges order BECAUSE the partner was so arrogant and ignored basic court procedure.

So what does it all mean for us in 2020?

Key phrases:

1. I want a move of God - I don't want simply what I can do in my own ability. I want to see and experience what God can do.

2. Prepare Him room - not just a heart/spiritual thing but in all of life. 

Action:

  • Who am I currently looking at as an adversary that God has actually commanding that I see different because they hold a key to my next steps?
  • Look at my priorities and schedule and relationships and make sure that I protect my connection with Jesus at the center of everything. 
  • Think big picture what could happen if 10x growth and make steps NOW to setup systems, structure, processes and needed placements so that we are ready. 
  • In all things, in middle of mess, pause and worship, declaring what God has said in the face of the opposite. 

Check out upcoming travel - Lexington KY in January 2020 and Florida in February. 

Listen out for new book "Finding Hope in Crazy Times" coming out February 2020.

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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019 The Importance of Delay

019 The Importance of Delay

December 17, 2019

Welcome to the conversation! In this episode I give you the introduction and one chapter from our new book. This will be published February 2020 but you get a sneak preview (or pre-listen) of what it is all about.

The book is called Finding Hope in Crazy Times - Daily Stories of Hearing God. 

Here's the chapter that I read on this episode...

The Importance of Delay

We live in a world of “instant.” You can have coffee in an instant, meals in an instant, and information in an instant. Many things that in the past took time to build, purchase or grow can now be purchased fully developed. We have become accustomed to things being done quickly, and we are no longer required to wait for virtually anything. We become impatient if we have to wait in line for more than a few minutes in a grocery store or at the coffee shop. Our whole world has taken to inventing ways to circumvent things that take time to develop naturally.

But there is beauty in delay.

Within months of arriving to America, God began to talk to our family about giving us a house—literally “land in this land.” In a natural sense, this was laughable. We had no income of any sort for the first three years and the money that we brought from New Zealand was fast being used to support our growing family. But we had great faith and took God at His Word. We connected with a real estate agent and began looking at houses in the area. It is hard to set a budget when you don’t know how God was going to provide, but we looked at all sorts of houses and made a plan for what we would do when God sent the resources. We spent hours talking about what sort of income we would need to support ourselves and we wondered out loud why God was taking so long to bring the promised income and house finance. During that time, I had an advisory team that offered to help me get a business visa and quick income, but it was through a different source than the one that the Lord had talked about. I seriously thought about it for a few minutes before looking at my wife, who simply asked me, “What does Jesus say?” I sadly but clearly knew we had to turn down the offer. 

The “delay” continued for FIVE YEARS. Five years may not seem long to you, but it is forever when you are longing for God to do what you thought He was going to do quickly. Those years were some of the hardest years of our lives. Yet, we can also look back and see that they were some of the most glorious years, years full of growth and expansion. They were years when we learned to trust God to a much higher degree than we had ever had to trust Him before.

 

An inheritance gained hastily at the beginning

Will not be blessed at the end.

Proverbs 20:21

 

Let’s face it, we all like it when God comes through quickly, where there is a small gap between the promise and the fulfillment of that promise. The truth is we often grow the most and have our character exposed and developed the most in the waiting. I am not a naturally patient guy. I like to get started on things before I even finish the planning stage, but I have learned to value the waiting period because it is where I most often meet God. I know that if God had given us our house right after He promised it, I would have missed out on all the growth opportunities that I experienced along the way.

 As I waited, I was confronted with all the areas that I thought I trusted God but really didn’t. I got a chance to truly learn to trust Him. As I waited, I discovered a whole lot of mindsets around God’s desire to bless me, and I triggered a bunch of fear associated with money:

  • Have I failed to steward the resources we had in the past?
  • What am I missing that I should be doing?
  • Will we have money for next year?
  • What if something goes really bad?
  • What about retirement?
  • What have I done to deserve a gift of a house? Am I crazy believing like this?
  • What would people say if they knew I was believing like this?
  • How could I receive a gift like a house when I have friends who don’t even have money for rent?
  • I must work harder for this…
  • Why am I second-guessing everything God has said? 

 

Every word of the Lord is tested, refined,

and proven to be pure.

Proverbs 30:5 (paraphrased AMP/KJV)

 

In the midst of the delay, I certainly had plenty of opportunities to learn to wait patiently, trusting that He knew the timing better than I did. Our hearts were tested and proven in the process, something that can never happen overnight. Sure, it’s frustrating. Sure, we’d still like it to be faster. But when we set our hearts to embrace what He had for us to learn in the wait, we found ourselves refined like gold. God’s word has always proven true. Eventually we did get the house and it was a sweet celebration – the delay only made the realization of the dream so much sweeter.

I have four wonderful children. They have all inherited my sweet tooth, and so they love treats. When they were younger and would come to me and say, “Dad, can we hang out together and go on a date?” it was more often than not because they wanted ice cream. I was the vehicle to get them what they wanted. I would confirm this if I said: “Nah, let’s just spend time together without treats.” Once I’d found out their true motive, more often than not, I wanted to treat them anyway. As a good Dad, I don’t always say “yes” when they ask for treats. Sometimes I say “no” for the benefit of their teeth and health. And sometimes I say “wait” knowing that if they wait, it will have so much more value for them. Sometimes I ask them to wait because I know they are not yet ready for the thing they are asking for. God is a good Father, who gives us the gift of delay for us to get to know our own hearts. Embrace the gift, there is treasure in the delay.

Prayer:

Father, thank you that you own time and you orchestrate it perfectly.

Help me to be patient in the delay.

Help me discover the things you have for me to learn in this season that I could never learn any other time.

Grant me the faith and patience as I wait.

Give me eyes to see what you are doing in my life as I wait for the promise.

Show me the things that you have for me to do in the waiting period.

Thank you for loving me enough to not give me everything I ask for.

Going deeper:

  • Where do you have a delay right now? How are you responding?
  • What mindsets and behaviors are being revealed in you by the delay?
  • What gift is God wanting to give you in the midst of this delay?
  • Who are you finding Him to be in the midst of the delay? (God your provider, God your comfort, God your healer?)

Today’s Action:

Thank God for the delay. Intentionally look around your life and identify character growth or other changes in and around you that would not have happened if you got what you wanted in an instant. Share these with someone close to you.

If this has been of value, please don't hesitate to share, post comments and let us know your feedback.

Brought to you by Gulf Coast Recreation, your playground expert.

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018 The Greatest Cover Up

018 The Greatest Cover Up

December 10, 2019

Welcome to the conversation! I used to think it was love to overlook or cover an offense done to me. Isn't that what the scripture teaches? I was taught to believe the best and cover all wrongs done to me. Through my lens and personality that looked like sucking it up when I was hurt and avoiding pushing back or confronting. I would rarely let people know how I was truly experiencing them or how they were affecting me.

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins (forgives and disregards the offenses of others). 1 Peter 4:8. See also Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up contentions, but love covers all transgressions.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, it’s hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything (without weakening.) 1 Corinthians 13:7.

Jesus Himself taught something seemingly different...but I didn't really take notice of this: "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." Matthew 18:15.

What was the result of my cover up? After decades of 'legally' avoiding confrontation my wife kindly said to me one morning “You are dead emotionally…” 

Whaaaaaaaaaat????

Yep. Dead. Every time I overlooked or covered an offense, it cost a little piece of my heart. Over decades of this behavior (plus other painful life experiences that added to the process), I ended up with an empty heart. Dead emotionally. I would do all that was necessary - physically being present, but i was not available emotionally. It is impossible to ignore or cover up a hurt without it costing you something. 

The scariest thing is I didn't even know myself! 

It thrust me onto a journey of learning a whole other level of guarding my heart…

 

  • I learned that love covers a multitude of wrongs… and so does money, position, power and FEAR! What I was calling LOVE was actually FEAR.
  • I learned that love CONFRONTS a multitude of wrongs WITHOUT letting go of connection
  • I learned that you cannot forgive when you haven’t acknowledged the depth of pain that has occurred (what are you forgiving them for?).

Some of the resources mentioned in this episode are:

- The Business of Honor by Bob Hasson

- Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk

- Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high

Another great resource that helped me is content you will find by Brene Brown. Check out her books, especially Daring Greatly.  

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